This list excludes the subsequent ass whoopins I received
  1. When I was 6 or 7, I thought it'd be cute to call the cops in the midst of no emergency
    Upon the return call (cause my ass surely didn't know that happened), I excused myself to my bedroom awaiting my inevitable punishment
  2. When I threw a plastic water bottle at my sister so hard she bled
    And that other time I threw a comb at her eye. Little sisters reign.
  3. When I got a splinter deeply embedded in my fingernail after chasing my sister upstairs post-breakfast
    The remainder of the morning was spent in a dentist office as my uncle removed it with DENTAL tools (my mom wasn't fuckin with medical expenses 😂)
  4. At 16, when my mom was forced to drive my unlicensed ass to a date with the boy at the time I thought to be "the one"
    Only for this nigga not to show up after spending an hour eating cheddar biscuits at Red Lobster (this could be a whole list in itself)
  5. When a certain black fraternity was having their centennial celebration in my hometown and we spent all night out, ended up in a grown man's hotel room, and didn't make it home til 6 AM
    We told them we were at Steak 'n Shake all night with my friend's cousin. That was a lie. And I'm sure they knew that.
  6. When I big chopped my full head of hair and hid it from them until my mother made a unplanned visit
    Don't regret this one. Blame @aprilkquioh
  7. When I chose a university that cost upwards of $60k a year
    Esp when I had full ride offers from 2-3 colleges. Shouts to them 😘😘