AWKWARD THINGS THAT HAPPENED AT WORK TODAY WHILE INSPECTING THE MALE ANATOMY

All situations were awkward for the patient, me and my resident.
  1. I had to do not one, not two, but FIVE male genital exams this morning in clinic.
    I usually wind up doing one or two a week (this is not the awkward part).
  2. I had to counsel a patient to stop putting powdered turmeric all over his junk.
    Initially, when he pulled down his underwear, a puff of yellow dust came out (and went on me 😩). Sadly, it was not the beginnings of a magic trick. Underneath layers of caked-on turmeric was a raging herpes virus infection AND a horrible bacterial infection of his groin, penis, testicles and perineum from popping the blisters and probably from putting turmeric all up in there. He was fine with being admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics, but initially not fine with stopping the turmeric.
  3. One of the patients got a raging boner during his pre-operative exam (he is scheduled for a vasectomy next week).
    There I am, eye-to-eye with the one-eyed snake. It was the awkward elephant in the room while I tried to complete my exam. My resident was trying not to laugh and the patient was smiling the entire time (wtf??). He later apologized which may have even made things weirder??
  4. One of the patients was so obese, I had to hunt for his penis because it was lost in his groin fat. Every time I got a hold of it, it disappeared again.
    I played hide-and-seek with a penis today. 😨