I HATE YOU, CANCER.

Today was a rough day.
  1. I started my day off seeing a patient whose whole family I take care of.
    I was her husband's Doctor. I am still hers and their son's.
  2. Her husband died about 5 months ago from pancreatic cancer.
    See this list: I FINALLY CRIED. and this list: THINGS I OBSERVED TODAY
  3. Their now-18-month-old son, who was 6 months to the day when his dad was diagnosed, says "daddy" when he sees pictures of his late father.
  4. We spent a lot of time just talking about getting through each day.
  5. That's all you can do when you lose someone you love, especially so young, and so terribly.
  6. She told me she sometimes sees his face in a crowd, and she knows it's not him, but she becomes so hopeful for a split second that maybe he isn't really gone.
  7. But she knows this is part of her "new normal," and that she's doing all right.
  8. And she'll get through it.
  9. Even though sometimes it seems impossible.
  10. And we cried together because:
  11. It's not fair...
  12. How life continues moving around you when you feel like everything is frozen, and time is standing-still.
  13. And it's cruel...
  14. That their son, whose name was the last thing he uttered before dying, will grow up without his loving, kind, and dedicated father.
  15. That his wife will grow old without the love of her life and is afraid to leave home because she fears something will happen to her, leaving their son without any parents.
  16. That he, a once strong, 220-pound, strapping man, was 90 pounds when he died.
  17. That he was stripped of his dignity by this horrible disease.
  18. That his wife was forced to go through his belongings before she was ready, because their landlord is selling the home they lived in together.
  19. And so many other things.
  20. I hate you, cancer. I hate you so much for stealing from this family and so many others.