1. "Knowing how to tile is so liberating."
  2. While inspecting himself in the mirror: "a new inch of balding...ugh"
  3. "I like reading about trends but not participating them."
  4. Me: "something smells good... What is that?" Him: "it's my toe jam."
    I can't even.
  5. "I like my coffee like I like my wives - brown."
  6. "So how do you do a c-section anyway? Is it just wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am?"
  7. "So when babies come out of a vagina, it's like a slip n slide?"
    Ummm women everywhere wish this was true.
  8. (Singing as he cleans the floors) "your hair is EVERYWHEREEE..." (Stops singing) "literally, Amina, your hair is everywhere."
  9. "Can we be the Eh Bee family of @list?"
  10. "I'm glad we are going to Japan on vacation because you know, China."
  11. Looking at me right before leaving the house, "What are your trying to do? Find a new husband?"
  12. What does 'b-a-e' mean?
  13. "Superman was a refugee and we let him in."