THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN THE PRESIDENT SPENDS CHRISTMAS IN YOUR SMALL BEACH TOWN

Welcome to Kailua in December; this is my fourth Christmas here so we've gotten pretty used to the hullabaloo.
  1. Japanese tourists flock to town more than usual and take to the streets on beach cruisers
    A tourist told me Kailua is advertised as "Obama's town."
  2. You have to wait in line behind like 50 really clean-cut, chiseled and muscular dudes with ear pieces for your coffee at your local shop.
    Aloha federal agents 😍 Meanwhile the not so secret service guys all look like Agent Smith from The Matrix
  3. You get stuck in traffic because the roads go through mountains and they shut everything down to let the presidential motorcade through.
    Security risk. Gotta protect the prez.
  4. Part of our local beach gets shut down
    Gotta limit beach/water access to the presidential vacation home. Again, security reasons. Luckily the beach is humongous and there's still plenty of room for everyone.
  5. More hot, shirtless guys at the beach than usual
    Oh hello, again, federal agents. 🙋
  6. I change my run route
    So I don't run into the neighborhood he's staying in and get stopped by federal agents..
  7. Pray that the White House picks me to augment their medical crew (they select from active duty docs at the hospital I work at).
    😩🙏🏼
  8. Run into the first family getting some shave ice at Island Snow, our local favorite.
    So ono. 🍧 What's up Sasha and Malia?
  9. If you're lucky, you get gifted the President's signature Hershey Kisses.
    I'm going to go Ms. Havisham on these.