These have all actually happened (usually at least one of these a day)... It always starts off with, "one more thing..." And I brace myself for what's coming. Also, this is why your doctor is always running behind. Help us help you... We really want to!
  1. "I've been having chest pain."
    OMG. This is what your appointment should've been for. Not because your brother's wife's aunt's cousin was diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that you're now convinced you have also.
  2. "I've been losing weight unintentionally, and breaking out into sweats at night."
    You have cancer until proven otherwise.
  3. Rectal bleeding.
    Colon cancer!!! Okay, chances are it isn't but now we have to get you undressed and do a rectal exam, maybe an anoscopy... (And now that I mentioned those things you're probably even more afraid to speak up). Your appointment is now going to take an extra half hour, and after lots of history taking, poking and prodding, we might only find a hemorrhoid. Or cancer.
  4. Mental health concerns
    I realize it's hard to say these things out loud. But we do care and want to spend time talking to you.
  5. That you lied about your drinking at the beginning of the visit and need help.
    We will help you. It's easier for us to bring up in a non threatening way if you tell the screener the truth up front. But I realize getting better has to happen when you're ready. If you can't tell us, there is always AA.
  6. You need paperwork filled out.
    Please... This one drives me bananas.
  7. You want to lose weight.
    We hate being the one to bring up the elephant in the room (you're not the elephant), but we LOVE helping you get healthier. I spend a lot of time taking over strategies, barriers, and goal setting with my patients. This isn't going to be easy, but the rewards will pay off in dividends if you commit. I'll be by your side no matter what. You can do it.