Things I Believe

  1. If you don't drink your whiskey straight and eat your food spicy you are weak
  2. At least 99.9% of the people driving should not have a drivers license
  3. Almost all republicans are racists
  4. People who hurt animals revoke their privilege as humans
  5. People who hurt children should be rocketed into space
  6. M*A*S*H is the best television show of all time
  7. People are addicted to outrage and news about the weather
  8. Cell phones should be forcibly removed from children under driving age
  9. God loves us all equally
  10. Sex is better with someone you love
  11. People are necessary but dogs and cats are heavenly