1. "If you don't go to bed right now, Santa won't be able to see you on the sleeping camera and if he doesn't, he won't know you exist"
    This was a cheap shot
  2. "It's 9pm, it's the middle of the night!!"
    They're to young to recognize the scientific inaccuracies of my statements
  3. "I can't play catch James, it's no-catch day! It only comes once decade."
    I then spent a rough 8 minutes describing the definition of the word decade
  4. "You can't have a pretzel now Ruby, your stomach doesn't work properly after 8:30 pm!"
    I wanted that pretzel for myself
  5. Don't miss your mom, you'll have 100 more years to spend with her!
    I wanted him to just fucking sleep already
    Suggested by @myrtedriesenaar