Reasons I Should Host Snl Over Donald Trump

  1. It would be fun!
  2. I won't make any offensive comments.
  3. I would get to live out a lifelong dream.
  4. I'm not running for office so I can spend days rehearsing and working on a live televised comedy show.
  5. I'd get to meet a lot of my heroes.
  6. I've already got some good monologue ideas.
    It starts with me saying, "I bet you're all thinking, 'Who the hell is this? Where's Trump?!" **hold for MEGA LAUGHS**
  7. I don't have a negative relationship with Hispanic civil rights groups.
  8. I work in comedy which is more related to SNL than any of the following: current presidential candidate, reality TV star, business owner.
  9. I have a friend I can stay with while I'm in NY and I'll pay my own airfare.
  10. I'm working on a character named "Donna Frump."
    Spoiler alert: it's about a woman whose name sounds similar to a shockingly popular presidential hopeful!
  11. I've never fired anyone.
  12. I don't like to call people "losers."
  13. I like to make jokes. I don't like to be one.
  14. I would really like to see Hamilton and this would be a great excuse to be in New York to see it.
    Dear Lorne, I won't let seeing Hamilton get in the way of my SNL hosting duties.
  15. I'm free this Saturday night.
    Again, not running for political office!
  16. I'm very open to Trump making a fun cameo appearance on my episode.
  17. Yep. Think I made a great case. LET'S GET IT TRENDING!