Questions I have for my husband

Right now, at this very moment.
  1. 1.
    What have you done with the scissors?
    Did you eat them?! This is the only logical explanation I can find for their complete and total disappearance.
  2. 2.
    Why is it that wherever I turn (whilst looking for the scissors) all I see are your dirty socks?
    Did you transform the scissors into dirty socks? Why not put them in the laundry basket? Do you have some deeply held principle forbidding you from returning household items to their intended place?
  3. 3.
    Also, I love you a lot.
    You big freak.