Recent Thinks.

Hi there therapy group.
  1. I'm finding that if I just relax into life, trust my gut and trust my environment, the time will come to do the things I want to do.
    My natural tendency is to over schedule and then freak myself out about doing all the things in a frantic attempt to marshal myself into "balance". Completely counterproductive.
  2. I realised today that I really don't know what's best for other people. 🙄 Overdue.
    I guess previously I knew it superficially, but I had constructed an idea of myself as someone who "knows", it was a way to translate my high sensitivity and intuition, which can be very overwhelming and exhausting, into a means to control the scary scary world, which is extra scary for highly sensitive intuitive types. This year I have been working on channeling that into personal spiritual practice and art, rather than letting it roam out in the world so much. Definitely healthier.
  3. As I was waking up yesterday morning I realised that, given my apparent incapacity to do anything about my sugar addiction I should just hand it over to God/the universe. I haven't heard back yet.
    It is not that bad - I just need about one dessert a day. And otherwise I eat pretty healthily. But I feel like I'm going crazy if I can't get it, and I don't want to live like that. But I've had to admit to myself that I just don't have the willpower to do anything about it. Surrender.
  4. I don't think I have ever seen anyone make the link between Oscar the Grouch and Nagg and Nell of Endgame.
    Surely I'm not the first person to notice this?
  5. The greater part of my life is lived in my own shadow: while others see the good, I see mostly bad qualities, the negative of the photograph, the other side of the looking glass. I like that I am self-aware in that way, but fuller self-awareness would marry the two images, embrace and experience both as one.
    Reading The Complete Enneagram. Thank you Beatrice Chestnut.
  6. And I do the same thing with my life. Trying to actively shift my focus to the good or good enough.
    Like this perfect moment.
  7. Every spark of creativity I experience is quickly followed by an attempt to extinguish it.
    What is that?
  8. Every time I spend money I panic.
    Even if it's necessary, even if we have the money. I just realised that I am not afraid of not having enough, I'm afraid of the alienation of straying from family values. Big scarcity mentality in my family, even when things were fine.
  9. All my anxieties come down to the fear of alienation.
    Worried that I don't have a proper job? = fear of social judgement = fear of alienation. Worried that I'm not (thin enough/successful enough/interesting enough/responsible enough/stylish enough) = fear of alienation.
  10. By stubbornly staying in the analytical room in my excessively analytical mind, I separate myself from others and from life.
    It feels safe, but it isn't.