Hi there therapy group.
- •I'm finding that if I just relax into life, trust my gut and trust my environment, the time will come to do the things I want to do.My natural tendency is to over schedule and then freak myself out about doing all the things in a frantic attempt to marshal myself into "balance". Completely counterproductive.
- •I realised today that I really don't know what's best for other people. 🙄 Overdue.I guess previously I knew it superficially, but I had constructed an idea of myself as someone who "knows", it was a way to translate my high sensitivity and intuition, which can be very overwhelming and exhausting, into a means to control the scary scary world, which is extra scary for highly sensitive intuitive types. This year I have been working on channeling that into personal spiritual practice and art, rather than letting it roam out in the world so much. Definitely healthier.
- •As I was waking up yesterday morning I realised that, given my apparent incapacity to do anything about my sugar addiction I should just hand it over to God/the universe. I haven't heard back yet.It is not that bad - I just need about one dessert a day. And otherwise I eat pretty healthily. But I feel like I'm going crazy if I can't get it, and I don't want to live like that. But I've had to admit to myself that I just don't have the willpower to do anything about it. Surrender.
- •I don't think I have ever seen anyone make the link between Oscar the Grouch and Nagg and Nell of Endgame.Surely I'm not the first person to notice this?
- •The greater part of my life is lived in my own shadow: while others see the good, I see mostly bad qualities, the negative of the photograph, the other side of the looking glass. I like that I am self-aware in that way, but fuller self-awareness would marry the two images, embrace and experience both as one.Reading The Complete Enneagram. Thank you Beatrice Chestnut.
- •And I do the same thing with my life. Trying to actively shift my focus to the good or good enough.Like this perfect moment.
- •Every spark of creativity I experience is quickly followed by an attempt to extinguish it.What is that?
- •Every time I spend money I panic.Even if it's necessary, even if we have the money. I just realised that I am not afraid of not having enough, I'm afraid of the alienation of straying from family values. Big scarcity mentality in my family, even when things were fine.
- •All my anxieties come down to the fear of alienation.Worried that I don't have a proper job? = fear of social judgement = fear of alienation. Worried that I'm not (thin enough/successful enough/interesting enough/responsible enough/stylish enough) = fear of alienation.
- •By stubbornly staying in the analytical room in my excessively analytical mind, I separate myself from others and from life.It feels safe, but it isn't.