"All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his." - Oscar Wilde "Oscar Wilde was a mama's boy" - My Mom
  1. "I thought once of becoming a lesbian but decided it was not my cup of tea."
  2. "The wise man knoweth his beast"
    After I thanked her for putting up with my bad mood
  3. "Red wine gives me a headache and makes me tell uncomfortable truths."
  4. "oh, I'm sure he goes home at night and sings nice songs to himself"
    Upon seeing me distressed over a legless man prone on the sidewalk
  5. "When she got the diagnosis, I said l'd shave my head with her -- because I think I'd pull it off, don't you?"
    When her friend was diagnosed with cancer
  6. "I'm braving Costco for her. To buy her something, I can't remember what. I'm kind of her slave since the cancer."
    Friend now in remission
  7. "We're all just blind men feeling different parts of the elephant."
    Profound commentary on any geopolitical conflict
  8. "I'm a phony but I'm charming and people love me."
  9. "Do you do sport at school.? You should do mime theater. Mimes are in great shape, I promise you."
    I don't even know
  10. "I am not your mom, I'm your McMom"
    Suggested by @nc17