LI.ST MAGAZINE: APRIL EDITION, PAGE 29: DAD 'SPLAINING MADE 'COOL'

Inspired by @Dashelamet and @karlalucia
  1. Boldly make definitive statements about topics nobody cares about or has any interest in.
    It's better if you make them about things that are clearly wrong and easily fact-checked. Ignore these naysayers and restate your fact in a louder voice.
  2. Did you know there are actually little people with chainsaws inside every pencil sharpener?
    They eat the shavings to survive.
  3. President Grover Cleveland would always do a little jig after vetoing a bill.
  4. Dogs and seals share a common ancestor.
  5. Jim Henson's puppet Kermit the Frog was based on a real lizard named Steve.
  6. If you need to understand escrow, please speak with the father figure in your life.
    Even if he doesn't know, he can fake his way through the conversation and make you feel dumb.
  7. If you save $25 a week every week starting when you graduate from high school or college, you'll retire a wealthy person way in the future.
    Then you can give it to your kids!
  8. You can get better gas mileage if you coast through intersections.
  9. Most Dads agree. They're wrong, but they agree.
  10. You can fix any computer problem by turning it off. And on again.