Things I Usually Do Then Usually Regret

  1. Hug someone I just met
    They go for a handshake and I act like I'm a yoga teacher who wants to get close and hug it all out. Wha?
  2. Eat all the bread
    Some bread is rarely regretted, all the bread ruins the dinner.
  3. Eat all the chips
    Same as above but with chips
  4. Make a Forever 21 purchase and don't try it on
    You know the return policy, woman.
  5. Fold the clean clothes later
    And now I have to iron. Yeah. No.
  6. Wash my hair tomorrow
    I don't pull off greasy. Want to, but don't have that bone structure or don't care look. Wish I did, just don't.
  7. Watch Intervention until 2am
    Fall asleep and wake up heavy-hearted and emotionally drained
  8. Bring every outfit option on vacation
    You know you'll live in the same dress all week but why not bring four pairs of shorts that you hate in case you lose 15lbs drinking margaritas and eating tacos all day. Plan.
  9. Peel off gel nails
    And now I have nasty peely thin nails. But it felt so good.
  10. Wait 3 months between waxes
    Yes ma'am, I know the recommended wax schedule. Yes ma'am, I understand you are now going to tear my skin off and leave a beautiful mess.
  11. Pick at my face
    No, I'm not into meth just really didn't want a tiny whitehead to ever think of existing on my chin
  12. Not wear my retainer
    It ain't sexy but neither is that snaggletooth
  13. Say "I'm sorry" when sorry doesn't apply
    I'm not sorry I'm the next in line, not sorry we both reached for the same cereal at the same time, and not sorry that I have a question.
  14. Send an email without proofreading
    "Tanks, Adni" is not really how I wanted to leave y'all
  15. Whine
    Does zero goods and sounds idiotic
  16. Take 10-90 mins to warm-up in a social situation
    You know these people. I don't think they hate you. Calm down, for crying out loud.
  17. Taco Bell drive-thru
    I want to regret this but never do. 💃🏼