MY LEGIT REASONS FOR WANTING TO BE A CELEBRITY

Inspired by @supercommonname and probably others!
  1. I would have an excuse for being weird and reclusive and wearing sunglasses at night and beating paparazzi with an umbrella.
  2. Companies would send me free packages every time I mentioned their product.
  3. I would finally get to see what's in those gift bags handed out at award shows.
  4. Someone else would have to do my hair and makeup. And that person wouldn't try to make small talk with me if my assistant told them not to.
  5. I could live in LA.
  6. Someone would shop for me.
  7. I'd never run out of Pepsi.
  8. My pool liner could be a giant shark jumping out of the ocean.
  9. I could pay a specialist to potty train my toddler who absolutely refuses to budge.
  10. I could buy a new house and/or car every time I got bored with the current one.
  11. I would travel everywhere. Before I could even finish saying "I'd like to go to..." my private jet would be ready.
  12. I would have a platform for every cause and issue I feel strongly about.
  13. I could have a surgeon transfer my stomach fat to my ass.
  14. I could own every DVD I want and wouldn't have to go to Nebraska to get a copy of Night of the Twisters for under $45.