REASONS NOT TO COME TO A LEVEL 1 TRAUMA CENTER

  1. A toothache
    We aren't dentists. We don't have novocaine. We don't want to see the inside of your mouth unless you have experienced severe trauma to it and your jaw is not attached to your face anymore.
  2. Ingrown toenail
    We don't want to see your feet either unless a toe is no longer attached or there are broken bones.
  3. Medication refill
    No, we will not refill your no refill pain prescription from a broken arm 2 years ago.
  4. Chronic pain
    We know you're only here for the D, especially when your allergy list includes every pain medication that doesn't render you unconscious.
  5. A checkup
    When you walk into a place that looks like the holding area for Walking Dead zombies set in the middle of WW3, you should know this isn't where you come for a cholesterol check.
  6. Abnormal labs
    You were told that your labs were abnormal and to schedule a follow up with your PCP. You come to us and we're going to tell you that your labs are abnormal and to schedule an appointment with your PCP.
  7. Cold/flu symptoms
    Unless you can't breathe or your fever is 105, go to urgent care. During your 8 hour wait in the waiting room, you're just going to infect everyone else with your cooties.
  8. STD's
    Sorry about your luck but make better choices and get your antibiotics elsewhere.