MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT WOMEN WHO DON'T WANT KIDS
- •We're selfishCounterpoint 1: no we're not. Counterpoint 2: if some of us are in fact selfish and we know that about ourselves, isn't it better that we've removed ourselves from bringing children into the world?
- •We don't want to "ruin our bodies"I've heard people say that women who don't want to get pregnant just don't want to get fat. No. Not only is my current body nothing to write home about, I would definitely get fat if the right pizza came into my life, no question. And to be clear, pregnancy doesn't just make you "fat"; it can permanently alter your body in a ton of other ways you might not anticipate.
- •We're not nurturingI hate this one a lot, because the kids issue has now ruined two promising relationships for me, and I think it's because we say "I don't want to pop out a kid" and men hear "I'm incapable of loving/taking care of something". I'm a kickass friend and girlfriend and I have empathy so strong it sometimes feels like it might strangle me. Don't tell me I'm heartless just because I don't feel the need to reproduce.
- •We'll change our minds one dayMaybe you're right. And I would never shame a woman who changed her mind on this; there's still like a 0.00000001 percent chance I'll change mine. But saying this completely minimizes the thought and consideration that I've put into this decision.
- •We're somehow manipulative/dishonestI am always as up front as I can be about not wanting kids; I don't want to waste anyone's time, including mine. But I can definitely see the merits of waiting to have that conversation, and I don't think it's dishonest - just once I'd like to be able to have the fun and excitement of a new relationship without feeling like I have to issue this disclaimer, or worrying that I'll get dumped the second I say it.
- •We hate kidsI hate some kids, sure. But so does everyone else. Don't tell me that kid screaming on the bus is a tiny miracle; I saw you rolling your eyes. But my not wanting kids seems to make people think that I'd stand by and watch one get run over by a train, which I absolutely would not. And I hate that I have to clarify that I wouldn't.