THINGS THAT HAPPENED TODAY

  1. At 5:20, Dark Skies told me that at 5:26 there was going to be a massive rainstorm in lower Manhattan
  2. At 5:26 there was a massive rainstorm in lower Manhattan and I got drenched
  3. The Daily News printed an entirely made up article about the New York Housewives that got reprinted all over the place and I guess is now considered fact.
  4. I co-hosted the 10 am (boozy) hour of TODAY w/ Hoda and was told during the commercial break not to say "cocked up" or "screwed" again because there were kids watching
  5. Flirted with the new trainer at my gym to the point where I am not sure I can ever go back
  6. Watched Cardinals game and traded upwards of 10 bitmojis with my Mom based on whatever was going on. We won and we sent each other "YAAAAAAS!" simultaneously
  7. Charged my vape
  8. Watched five minutes of new episode of Empire. Couldn't decide if I was bored then decided I was.
  9. Unwrapped the present from August that I've been keeping on top of my toaster oven and discovered it was a really cool book about the Grateful Dead that melted because I'd been keeping it on top of the toaster.
  10. Shamed myself for being such an idiot to keep a present on top of my beloved toaster.