1. Traffic
    Great movie. Underrated. Say you got caught up in Topher's speech on the drug war to Michael Douglas, started digging, and it's all true.
  2. I don't celebrate holidays
    Say something like "you know everyday is Mother's Day to me, so I just kind of thought it was implied."
  3. Why isn't there a Father's Day?
    "Oh there is?" Men's rights advocate this has your name all over it.
  4. Bad Molly
    Cocaine is a hell of a drug, but moms know it too well. Say you got a hold of some bad Molly and she'll think it's either an herbal supplement, or Indian food.
  5. I restarted True Detective
    Time is a circle.
  6. New number, who dis?
    One time I didn't talk to my mom for three weeks. Nothing changed, but she got bangs.
  7. Flip it on her
    "You know a lot of moms don't have sons to wish them a Happy Mothers Day. How about better late than never?"
  8. Deflect
    "There's no fucking water in California mom! How about you stop crying about your Hallmark holiday and send me a Trader Joe's gift card?!"
  9. Say You're Orthodox
    We actually celebrate the "real" Mother's Day.
  10. Never talk to her again?
    If she thinks you're dead, or missing, she'll probably forget about the whole Mother's Day thing.