NOT SO AWESOME HOUSEGUEST TO-DO LIST 😁

Yay! You managed to complete this list 100% !!
  1. Bring all your pets and make sure they run amok in every room.
    Your host's pets must be confined for the duration.
  2. Make sure everything you bring in the house is covered in sand and mud from your previous 3 day camping trip.
    Helps with traction on hardwood floors as everyone dodges animals underfoot.
  3. Make sure your ice chest is positioned in the narrow path between kitchen and dining room.
    Tripping is good exercise and keeps everyone's reflexes sharp.
  4. Chain smoke in the backyard for 32 of the 48 hours of your stay.
    Be considerate of your hosts and be sure to dump all 38 butts in the kitchen garbage bin.
  5. Explain everything about maintaining a health lifestyle along with diet and exercise tips.
    See above.
  6. Complain about the 'fun' event you volunteer for year after year-how stressful it is, how much money it costs, how hard it is on the pets (all the noise, crowds, bullhorns, whistles, etc) and the distances you must drive to get there.
    No matter which direction your host tries to steer the conversation, whether to console, agree or offer solutions, make sure it's clear to them, no response is acceptable.
  7. Waste your host's time by driving to several tobacco retailers in search for the obscure but posh brand of black cigarettes you smoke.
    Waste part of your beautiful day at the beach for an activity that creates the number one trash item found on the beach.
  8. Explain all possible ways to dispose of unwanted items.
    Always be ready to pass on helpful advice especially to people older than you as they're obviously unfamiliar with recycling, freecycle.com, nextdoor.com, Salvation Army and the dump.
  9. Explain how photography apps work.
    Sample: Guest-you know there are ways to edit that out. Host-Really? I did not know that. Guest-You don't know about photoshopping? Proceed to pontificate for 2 minutes until your host admits to 'just having a laugh'. (I mean come on, there's an app for everything)
  10. Respond to attempts by your hosts at benign conversation starters by snapping at them.
    For instance, if asked, 'Will you be able relax when you get home or do you have a lot planned?' Don't answer, yes or no or with a likewise benign comment, keep saying, You mean tomorrow? When I get home tomorrow? You're talking about tomorrow?
  11. Disappear the next morning before anyone gets up.
    Sometimes it's just better that way.