SAD STATE OF MY CURRENT FOOD SUPPLY
It's common knowledge I hate to grocery shop. Even the reserves are in crisis.
- •You can't fool me, Fleur de Sel. All dressed up in your fancy label and cute little cork chapeau. Trying to pass yourself off as food.Shame on you.
- •Performing last rites for the blackened Hass avocado on my counter.
- •Can you make soup with a packet of McCormick Mesquite marinade?
- •Just looking at this can of Chicken of the Sea clams makes me gag.
- •Doesn't everybody have three kinds of mustard as back up?One is Jack Daniel's Horseradish so though I'm starving, I'm still badass.
- •Acaí Sauce label says 'for ice creams, yogurts and desserts' but all those items were the first responders.Not even a hidden PopTart to use it on.
- •Hey, unflavored gelatin has protein AND is low in calories.Brainstorming here-water, gelatin packet flavored with Acaí sauce?
- •The bottle of Seurin Bordeaux I've been saving looks tempting rn.Drink, pass out, forget you were hungry. And it's only 2pm 😬
- •Cherrios but no milk.
- •How many gummy calcium squares could I theoretically eat without it making me sick?Pretending to be candy is the worst trick of all.
- •Since I've got 4 pounds of Kirkland butter in the freezer, am I the only person who immediately thinks, there must be a recipe on Pinterest for deep frying 🤔
- •Bottles of vitamins only appear to be nutritionally sound with their fruit flavors and dissolving tabs.Was going to make a joke about Soylent Green but thought it might be tasteless. Get it, tasteless? 😂
- •If Ted from Chopped put together a basket for the chefs from my house, there'd be a lot of Taco Bell hot sauce packets included.With Honey mustard and ranch dressing from Carl's Jr. for variety.