SAD STATE OF MY CURRENT FOOD SUPPLY

It's common knowledge I hate to grocery shop. Even the reserves are in crisis.
  1. You can't fool me, Fleur de Sel. All dressed up in your fancy label and cute little cork chapeau. Trying to pass yourself off as food.
    Shame on you.
  2. Performing last rites for the blackened Hass avocado on my counter.
  3. Can you make soup with a packet of McCormick Mesquite marinade?
  4. Just looking at this can of Chicken of the Sea clams makes me gag.
  5. Doesn't everybody have three kinds of mustard as back up?
    One is Jack Daniel's Horseradish so though I'm starving, I'm still badass.
  6. Acaí Sauce label says 'for ice creams, yogurts and desserts' but all those items were the first responders.
    Not even a hidden PopTart to use it on.
  7. Hey, unflavored gelatin has protein AND is low in calories.
    Brainstorming here-water, gelatin packet flavored with Acaí sauce?
  8. The bottle of Seurin Bordeaux I've been saving looks tempting rn.
    Drink, pass out, forget you were hungry. And it's only 2pm 😬
  9. Cherrios but no milk.
  10. How many gummy calcium squares could I theoretically eat without it making me sick?
    Pretending to be candy is the worst trick of all.
  11. Since I've got 4 pounds of Kirkland butter in the freezer, am I the only person who immediately thinks, there must be a recipe on Pinterest for deep frying 🤔
  12. Bottles of vitamins only appear to be nutritionally sound with their fruit flavors and dissolving tabs.
    Was going to make a joke about Soylent Green but thought it might be tasteless. Get it, tasteless? 😂
  13. If Ted from Chopped put together a basket for the chefs from my house, there'd be a lot of Taco Bell hot sauce packets included.
    With Honey mustard and ranch dressing from Carl's Jr. for variety.