Some Ways I Could Die
Not to worry. I'm just thinking ahead.
- •Blow drying my hairTwo blow dryers have actually turned into fire-breathing dragons, in my hands. Who's to say the current one won't be the final incinerator.
- •Branch from my backyard redwood tree.We had a nice copper fire pit on the deck. A huge branch fell-smashed it like a bug. A fire no more. They're called widow makers. Or widower makers in my case.
- •Driving to Bay Area-SouthCurvy two lane highway, big rigs, either on your ass or cliffs with no guard rails. Slippery when wet isn't just a Bon Jovi album.
- •Driving to Crescent City-NorthRedwood groves with giant trees have no mercy if you run into one. And if the trees don't get you, there's Pelican Bay, the only super maximum security prison in California!! Super max until the jail break happens while you're driving by.
- •Driving over Hwy 299-East299 has more fatalities than any road around here. Another two lane highway, with cliffs so far down you can't see bottom from the road. Freak snow storms and black ice. Falling rocks and curves that make even the driver vomit. Then you panic and go off the cliff.
- •Drowning after car goes off cliffAnd I can't open the windows or doors. But I bought one of these. Now I'm not sure where IN the car to put it.
- •Cat scratch feverI don't know what this is but I have cats, they scrAtch and fever might not be too far behind.
- •Going to the beach-WestPeople are always getting washed off the 'jetty' Every year the headline is 'Man Washed Off Jetty While Walking Dog'. Then there's the tsunami 🌊
- •Eaten by Wild dogs.There's a nice walking trail the city built right next to the bay. It was great until two pit bulls tried to attack a rottweiler and his human. So dogs running amok and the mountain lions. Yes, those too. http://m.sfgate.com/science/article/Couple-s-lesson-in-survival-from-07-cougar-attack-3658073.php.
- •Fall off a tall buildingWe are ALWAYS going up to a v tall building to 'see the view'. Maybe one day I'll fall off or get pushed. Accidentally 😏
- •Falling down the stairs.We have a house of stairs, no rooms just stairs. A bit exaggerated but the fact I've fallen down so many times makes me believe it. I have fallen but, so far, been able to get up. The First Alert necklace isn't far off 👵🏻
- •Live listing while doing something dangerous....like parasailingLosing concentration while simultaneously searching for the perfect GIF (you KNOW how long that can take 🙄) trying to think of something witty and new (you know how long that can take 🙄) then trying to type. I knew li.st would be the death of me. ⚰️
- •Have stroke like that lady scientist.Just minding her own business, taking a shower and BAM 💥 she's having a stoke. Wasn't even a smoker and ate lots of salad. Good health doesn't always pay dividends. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jill_Bolte_Taylor
- •And hundreds of other mishaps, misfortunes and mistakes.Slip in the tub, slip in the grocery store. Have a 'Jane Mansfield' or 'James Brown's wife' or 'Marilyn Monroe' or a 'Natalie Wood' all random accidents. And we can't leave out cancer or heart disease. Only I think my demise will cause the coroner to call his wife, saying, " I got a weird one tonight honey. Don't wait up."