I work with preschoolers and elementary through middle grade kids
  1. "I have four cousins but one of them is dead"
    a little girl said this to me when I reminded her to wash her hands
  2. "Hey that's the bad guy from Harry Potter and you're not supposed to say his name"
    He heard me say "Baltimore" and mistook it for "Voldemort"
  3. "I wish I was a humpback whale"
    There's literally no context, he just came up and said this to me and then walked away.
  4. "Once when I was in Africa I cut a snake in half"
    I'm 99.9% sure this didn't actually happen to him, but I rolled with it.
  5. "I had to be brave when they took my blood away"
    In response to me asking why she had a bandaid on her arm
  6. "A monkey pushed the button and made it go BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP"
    We had a fire drill. This was how he explained where the alarm came from.
  7. "Luckily I'm not a dad yet"
    He's 13, so I should hope not
  8. "I'm taking to the sky like an ostrich"
    We were in the swimming pool and he felt like he was flying I guess.
  9. "If you're happy and you know it and your face can really show it, if you're happy and you know clap your hands"
    He wrote his own lyrics for "If You're Happy and You Know It"
  10. "I have a little bit of a cold"
    A three year old little girl said this to me immediately after coughing into my mouth. Lovely.