Best things I can imagine

  1. Being picked up at the airport by a group of people who are excited to see me and the car is waiting right outside
  2. I do a great show and afterward my comedy heroes come back stage to ask me to work with them and I didn't even know they were there to start with
  3. I get a free personal trainer who also makes all my food and then I am able to run up hills
  4. A month in Hawaii or Prague with no emails, to eat bread and write songs/a novel/a show
  5. An audience of people with amazing hair who love me
  6. Learning to dance really well
  7. A cat who loves only me and poops outside
  8. Everyone who's wronged me apologizes and everyone I've wronged forgives me
  9. Being asked to write for SNL or the Onion and killing it
  10. When someone makes a nerd talk show they consult me on casting