1. "What are you, the city planner?"
  3. "Well I wish Julia Child wasn't dead, but here we find ourselves"
  4. "The thing is the original name was supposed to be 'Ass Baby' but I talked my way outta that one"
  5. "Shame, shame, I know your name"
  6. "Have you ever seen sex from above, Cece? It's horrible, which is why God thinks it's a sin"
  7. "If you had a jacket on with a bunch of yellow feathers, I'd be DONE"
  8. "When I was 10, I once walked by my mother sleeping, and I snuck in her room and put a lemon in her mouth."
    This episode might be my favorite ever. I cry laughing every time
  9. "Red potatoes: the sexiest starch since jasmine rice."
  10. "Who's talking to you, Depression-era garbage man?"
  11. "Joni, I don't wanna lie to you, so I'm not. There's shells all in these eggs."
  12. "He said you look like a day old meatball with hair."
  13. "Buff floors: beautiful, but at what cost?"
  14. "Maybe it's a cultural thing. We saw the British coming. India did not."
  15. "I'm Jess, the maid of honor, but when I fell down those stairs, I wish I was made of rubber."
  16. "I spent that same summer watching Felicity on VHS and recording a fake radio show where I reviewed snacks."
  17. "Blackout. ATMs are down, cash is king, and batteries is queen." "What? Stop being so whimsical, Winston."
  18. "Folding chairs?! Jess, if I wanted my wedding to be an AA meeting, I'd call my Aunt Teri."
  19. "My favorite kind of white people are redheads with high socks. Male or female."
  20. "I'm at the Phish concert you call a campaign office"
  21. "James Wonder, a combination of my two favorite singers: Stevie Wonder and... James Blunt."
  22. "Are you the criminals?! From the statistics?!"