I WILL STOP WEARING UGGS WHEN

Theoretically never, but to please all the haters
  1. Someone tells me why middle-aged women love Dr. Oz so much
  2. People stop calling Jennifer Lawrence a feminist
  3. People stop asking me if I've "tried proactiv" for my acne
  4. Ted Cruz admits he is, in fact, the Zodiac Killer
  5. Uggs stop being comfy as fuck
  6. I have children
  7. Meghan Trainor stops making music