IF I WERE TO WRITE AN ALBUM ABOUT MY LIFE AS IT IS TODAY

  1. How Am I Still Alive?
    A bombastic rock opera opening, in which - with fireworks blazing and a choir in golden robes behind me - I ask the audience how am I still alive.
  2. Where'd This Bruise Come From?
    A ragtime tune, in which I muse over where I could've gotten all of the random bruises on my body
  3. My Family Is Racist
    Sam Smith-style ballad about my, spoiler, racist family
  4. The Last Time I Didn't Cry
    A real Adele tearjerker about how I cry literally every single day
  5. My Cheeks Are Torn
    A gritty rock song about my anxiety causing me to constantly bite the insides of my cheek
  6. Don't Tell Me What To Do
    A song fit for Joan Jett herself, scathingly yelling at everyone who tries to tell me what to do
  7. God's Not Real
    An electro pop song about me sitting in a church pew with my family because my mother still forces me to go to church every once in awhile even though she knows I know God's not real
  8. Raw Meat
    A 2011 Kesha-Esque song about how I'm vegetarian and the only meat I take is dick
  9. I Still Don't Know the Answer to 66 Down
    A generic indie rock song about how I do too many crosswords
  10. Everybody Wants To Rule the World
    A stripped down, minor key version of the Tears for Fears song