THINGS I NEED TO CONSIDER PUTTING ON MY RESUME

  1. Has won three "who can jump the highest" competitions
  2. Can eat a whole pizza
  3. Really good at jazz squares
  4. Can out-walk 90 percent of campus
  5. Can quote most of Major League and The Office
  6. Has seen every Kevin Smith film
  7. Scored a 5 on the AP Calculus exam
  8. Can determine a person's character within the first two minutes of meeting them