Things Seinfeld taught me as a kid
When I was a kid and had no remote-rights, I thought TV was made up of three things: Cartoon Network, boring movies my dad loved and I hated, and Seinfeld.
- •What a condom is (Shenanigans at the Jiffy Lot)What is it? Why is it gross? Both questions my parents pointedly ignored and eventually, inadequately answered when I wouldn't stop asking. That episode also has this gem.
- •Car dealerships are the Art Van of the adult world.You're there forever watching other people buy things. None of it's for you. The couple that dragged you there is fighting. And you're starving.
- •Shrinkage.It happens. But that whole area remained an abstract question mark for a while.
- •That my shy-kid anxieties about ordering at restaurants were JUSTIFIED.And fuck you, Mom, for making me do it anyway just so I could "grow" or whatever.
- •John F. Kennedy...Jun-YAH.