BERNARD SANDAL PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN STRATEGIES AND PROMISES

"Who is Bernard Sandal? Seriously who is Berna--wait, what?" - Bernard Sandal's campaign manager
  1. Make America grate cheese again
  2. Cheese wars like Hunger Games? Every year sacrifice Winsconsinite for cheese?
  3. Suggest debate topic: cheese
  4. Some non-cheese related options
  5. Pizza for everyone? Extra cheese, mushrooms on half? Pizza? For everyone?
  6. Salted caramel
  7. Campaign speech on merry-go-round
  8. Address America's poverty and ghost epidemics
  9. Bees
  10. Suggest debate topic: bees
  11. Deal with the bee problem
  12. Decide which bee problem is most pressing
    Bees everywhere, in your hair, in your backpack, in your glove compartment? Samantha Bee? Bees disappearing?
  13. Suggest debate topic: best Beatles album
  14. Throwback humor: Marco Rubio water joke
  15. Forgive opponent for digital trespasses so that they may forgive you when you digitally trespass against them
  16. Crayons
  17. Rey is not a Mary Sue, ok? Jesus