BERNARD SANDAL PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN STRATEGIES AND PROMISES
"Who is Bernard Sandal? Seriously who is Berna--wait, what?" - Bernard Sandal's campaign manager
- •Make America grate cheese again
- •Cheese wars like Hunger Games? Every year sacrifice Winsconsinite for cheese?
- •Suggest debate topic: cheese
- •Some non-cheese related options
- •Pizza for everyone? Extra cheese, mushrooms on half? Pizza? For everyone?
- •Salted caramel
- •Campaign speech on merry-go-round
- •Address America's poverty and ghost epidemics
- •Suggest debate topic: bees
- •Deal with the bee problem
- •Decide which bee problem is most pressingBees everywhere, in your hair, in your backpack, in your glove compartment? Samantha Bee? Bees disappearing?
- •Suggest debate topic: best Beatles album
- •Throwback humor: Marco Rubio water joke
- •Forgive opponent for digital trespasses so that they may forgive you when you digitally trespass against them
- •Rey is not a Mary Sue, ok? Jesus