A CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF MY CAREER ASPIRATIONS
I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna have boobies!... Wait, that's not what this list is about
- •Age 4, International Pop ChanteuseI was four years old and I already knew all the words to My Heart Will Go On. Interpretive hand movements included.
- •Age 9, Child Dancer for Missy ElliotAlison Stone was the coolest person in life. She was a badass dancer, wore fly outfits and had like at least 35 seconds of air time in two Missy videos.
- •Age 11, Scientist Responsible for Curing CancerOn a fateful November afternoon, I caught a CBC documentary on breast cancer. I was so worried about all the women in my life that I vowed to cure cancer.
- •Age 13, Introspective Singer-SongwriterFirst heartbreak made me realize that music can heal broken hearts and we're basically functionless without hearts so I abandoned my dreams of curing cancer and began writing music. I felt bad at first but then Oprah did a special on how music can heal fatal diseases.
- •Age 16, Tour North America as a Cast Member of GleeSo the whole writing music thing was a total bust. Tried to learn the guitar and piano but I realized that I had no musical talent. But then Glee came out and changed my life.
- •Age 18, Television ShowrunnerSo after 18 years trying to be talented, I realized that maybe I was more of a behind the scenes kinda gal. I've seen so many behind the music specials, I'm super organized and I'm not that bad at writing scripts.
- •Age 22, EmployedWent to media school for four years (woo!). Then I quickly learned that in this economy, producer writer hyphenates aren't really that necessary. So the career goal now is to just pay the bills on time. Welcome to Adulthood.