Number of these I'm currently suffering: 1
  1. Hurt back playing Twister
  2. Deep cut on thumb that won't stop bleeding, caused by opening can of Spaghetti-Os served as breakfast due to exhaustion and unwillingness to keep arguing that you can't have Spaghetti-Os for breakfast
  3. "Frozen shoulder" from carrying daughter who got halfway through hike and demanded to be carried rest of way
  4. Spider-bite from Brown Recluse after digging around in bushes trying to retrieve ball
  5. Punched by daughter in stomach and nuts while she goes through "punching phase"
  6. Excruciating "pop" sensation in back of leg after lunging forward to stop someone else's kid at park from running into traffic
  7. Burned hand and yelled "Fuck" after attempting to operate stupid, useless portable camping stove on camping trip
  8. Head-butt while "wrestling" kid
  9. Hugged too hard