Horrible Things I Said to "Golden Girls" Cast Members
@Shulamit just had an awesome list about the undeniable greatness of "The Golden Girls." I had some awkward moments with Dorothy and Rose, back when I wrote for the Comedy Central Roasts. (WARNING: NSFW/ "dirty joke" stuff!)
- •A few days before the Pam Anderson Roast. All our scripts were finished. A writer asked if I wanted to smoke pot. I foolishly said yes. An hour later - when I was super high - the show's Producer ran in: "Bea Arthur is here and wants to rehearse early! Aaron, go pitch her that anal sex joke!"I found Bea onstage. My heart was racing. I introduced myself, then asked if she would deliver a joke with the punchline, "I wonder what it feels like... To hold in a fart." Bea physically recoiled from me, letting out a massive "UCCCCCHHHH!" of disgust. I slumped away, shaking.
- •The William Shatner Roast. This time, I was ordered to pitch a joke to Betty White where the punchline was, "I popped Shatner's dick out of my mouth and said 'Bill, it's time to start the roast.'" I approached her, took a deep breath and pitched the joke.She listened intently. When I reached the punchline, she smiled sweetly and - on a dime - replied, "I never talk with my mouth full, dear." I fell in love.
- •Here's what Betty White ended up saying instead.
- •Addendum: Bea and Betty both destroyed on the roasts, and received standing ovations.