The Jaws Movies, Ranked

@JessicaBalboni is awesome and makes awesome list requests like this one - so fun!
  1. 1.
    JAWS
    I usually prefer a contentious choice for #1 when making "ranked" lists because who cares if you simply say what everyone else would say?! But I can't deny the superiority of "Jaws." This is where the pre-"Star Wars" blockbuster era overlaps with the "we actually know how to make a grown-up movie based in human experience" era. It's just the best and can hold up with any audience, anywhere!
  2. 2.
    JAWS 3D (IN 3D)
    To be clear: THIS IS A BAD MOVIE, but I don't care because I love ANYTHING in 3D. It's been an obsession ever since I was a kid. The big moment is a dismembered fish head floating out "into the audience," which grossed out everyone in the theater!
  3. 3.
    JAWS: THE REVENGE
    Michael Caine has stated that during this period, his criteria for choosing a script was: 1) Does my character speak on page one? 2) Does my character speak on the last page? 3) Is it shooting somewhere I'd take a vacation? Aside from the typically-awesome Caine, this gets points for the often-imitated "This time, it's personal" concept; and for reuniting "Sweet Sweetback" father-and-son stars Melvin and Mario Van Peebles! 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
  4. 4.
    JAWS 2
    This is the one I saw the most on cable as a kid. I liked that Roy Scheider's kids helped him kill the shark at the end. I liked that Roy Scheider was at his most Roy Scheider-y, other than "Sorcerer" (he was always our Sweatiest Actor!). And I thought the movie poster was weirdly sexy (mostly due to the Mad Magazine cover that parodied it)!
  5. 5.
    JAWS 3 (NOT IN 3D)
    It's a bad movie.
  6. 6.
    JAWS 3, PEOPLE 0
    An amazing, unproduced, National Lampoon-attached parody that was set to be directed by Joe Dante in the early 1980s. It was written by a young John Hughes ("Breakfast Club," "Ferris Bueller," etc.)! I read a copy of the screenplay, and it was Zucker Brothers, "Airplane!"-style humor (which is to say, pretty great). But it was never produced, so I have to rank it the lowest. The entire screenplay is available here: http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2009/06/jaws-week-true-tale-of-national.html?m=1