Things I Remember My Dad Saying While He Was Very Drunk and/ or High

(Note: He was REALLY into rock music.)
  1. "You pretend you're a music critic. I'll be Rod Stewart."
    Me: "OK. Mr. Stewart, your new music isn't very good." Dad: "Hey. I wrote 'Maggie May.' [POKES ME IN CHEST] What the hell have YOU done?"
  2. "I believe Eddie Money could record the Great American Album."
  3. "I like the Knack album when I'm listening to it, but when I'm not, I can't stand it."
  4. "Fuck Lester Bangs!"
    He actually said this one in the middle of an argument with my friend Noel, who had quoted famous rock critic Lester Bangs. Noel, whose parents were Roman Catholic, was utterly shocked that a parent would say "fuck."
  5. "You know the end of this movie is bullshit, right?"
    (I was watching "The Wizard of Oz" on TV in 5th grade. I asked my Dad what he meant. He spoke quietly, so my younger sister couldn't hear: "Think about it. Dorothy could be in Oz, which is colorful and has castles and flying monkeys and all sorts of cool shit. Instead, she goes back to boring, black-and-white Kansas. It's bullshit. No one would choose that.")
  6. "Good night."