I was living in Lexington, KY. I turned 16 years old. My Dad told me to go out and get a job; if I didn't come back with full-time employment, he promised to kick me out of the house. I walked to a nearby Kentucky Fried Chicken and begged them to hire me. Here's how my shift unfolded.
  1. I was given a brown, polyester uniform to wear, with a huge, red-and-white pinstriped collar.
  2. The manager took me to the walk-in freezer and used a racial slur to describe the different types of meat.
  3. A 20-something stoner employee showed me how to use the deep fryers. He accidentally dropped a piece of chicken into the wrong fryer. I watched in horror as he plunged his bare hand into bubbling, steaming, hot oil and pulled out the chicken. His hand was bright red, but he registered no pain.
  4. Everyone talked excitedly about an employee named Jeremy. He wasn't there yet, because he was late. Even the manager had to chuckle about how cool it was that Jeremy didn't give a shit and didn't bother to call and say he'd be late. I was told I'd love Jeremy because he was awesome.
  5. Jeremy arrived. He wore leather motorcycle pants and a helmet. He removed the helmet - revealing he looked like Ted Nugent, or maybe John Holmes - and slammed it onto the kitchen floor, then noisily kicked it across the room (accompanied by a loud "wolf howl").
  6. Jeremy launched into a series of jokes about my stupid uniform, and used a homophobic slur to describe how I looked. At that point, I realized everyone else was wearing white uniforms that were comparably "slicker" than mine. The manager admitted they'd given me a uniform from the 1970s as a prank. Everyone laughed.
  7. Jeremy slapped me on the back and said I was OK, but then again described me with the homophobic slur. Everyone laughed again.
  8. Jeremy hit on the two girls who worked the registers. They smiled and laughed. Jeremy quietly talked to me about how attractive he found them, and speculated about their vaginas.
  9. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, then ran out a back door when no one was looking.
  10. I ran to Kroger Supermarket and begged the manager for a job. He said they didn't have anything. I told him my father would kick me out of the house if I didn't come back hired. I recounted everything I'd experienced at KFC. I said I was willing to work at Kroger for free. The manager took pity on me and told me to go bag some groceries.
  11. I kept the "prank uniform" and never returned it. The KFC manager called me about it several times, threatening legal action. After a month or so, he stopped.