What I Did on My Trip to NYC

I fly back to LA in three hours. Here's how I spent my 48-hour visit.
  1. Went to the Friars Club. I'd been to the one in Beverly Hills, but never the real-deal New York location. Got a great tour, which included this incredible portrait of my idol, Jack Benny.
    There can't possibly be any other Jack Benny fans on ListApp, right?
  2. Had a old man run up to me on the street and scream in my face, "They're sayin' I'm a nobody! I ain't a nobody!"
    Thought that dialogue was a bit on-the-nose for "Old Man Screaming in the Street."
  3. Met Lister @doesntmattr for coffee. He is an awesome guy, and - get this - a Jack Benny fan! You've got to be kidding me! Confessed to him my dream of writing a "serious"/ "The Help"-style screenplay about the life of Benny's sidekick, Eddie "Rochester" Anderson. He did not make a contemptuous "pfffft" sound, but was instead supportive! Great guy.
  4. Saw Katie Couric! KC4L
  5. Got lost on subway trains for about an hour; finally got off at the Museum of Natural History and walked around.
  6. Ate this goddamn salad, which was covered in fuckin' flowers.
  7. For two nights in a row, went to the Comedy Cellar and watched Jeff Ross and Dave Attell get onstage together at 1:30 a.m., setting each other up and knocking jokes back and forth like Nadal and Federer at Wimbledon. 45 minutes of stream-of-consciousness that had people in the audience literally screaming... Unbelievable!
    And on the second night, Norm MacDonald did a set too. There is a whole other list in Why I Stopped Hanging Out in Comedy Clubs for Hours and Hours Every Night, but this made me miss it.
  8. Got to hang out after as if I am a "late-night comic" and not a middle-aged Dad who never, ever stays up this late anymore because it makes it too difficult to get up with my kids the next day.
  9. Went to places that I walked in and thought, "Wow. Look at this decor and layout. If this place was in LA, it'd be my favorite place." And then the next place was like that, and the next place, until it became surreal to think of the city being a near-infinite, smashed-together collection of That Place.
    Like all the "multiverses" in Marvel Comics, or... ah, I'm tired.
  10. Made a list and thought about how great the city is, and how much I'm looking forward to getting back to Los Angeles.
    No, I'm not going to move my family here. Couldn't handle it!