1. "Drink some water."
    I live in constant fear of dehydration and no matter the malady I recommend people drink some water like in a Windex/the dad from My Big Fat Greek Wedding way
  2. "Where's my Carmex?"
    I'm always digging around in my purse for chapstick like I've been eternally damned to always losing it at the bottom of my bag
  3. "Where was I? Oh I was in Israel."
    I've been six times in the last five years so I've missed some key events
  4. "I hope I get my period tomorrow."
    I'm always fucking late