Tired

  1. I don't think I've ever felt this tired
  2. Not when I had mono senior year of college and I missed six weeks of class
  3. Not this summer when I had crippling migraines every day
  4. Not when I developed severe driving anxiety and had to force myself to drive to work every day
  5. Not when I got out of an abusive relationship after seven years
  6. Never this tired
  7. I am so deeply, existentially exhausted from what's happening in my country right now
  8. My father is an immigrant, a refugee
  9. And my mom is from the Bronx
  10. I'm a Jew and I was raised in the Bible Belt
  11. I never felt so "at home" in America
  12. My identity has always been more complicated than that
  13. BUT
  14. That's the whole thing right - we all have a story, we all have complicated identities WHICH IS WHAT BROUGHT US TO AMERICA
  15. And I've always trusted in that, that we know that
  16. And now I'm filled with this terror
  17. It's an existential terror, a questioning terror
  18. I feel sad and scared and angry as hell
  19. And I want so badly to feel hopeful again and I know with some hard work we're going to get there I still believe that
  20. But this moment, right now, is so hard
  21. I'm just sitting in this grief, I feel so heavy
  22. Powerless
  23. I know we all feel this way
  24. I'm trying to stop crying and start acting but I haven't stopped crying and because of that I am just so, so tired