MOST TRAUMATIC LIFE EXPERIENCES SO FAR, RANKED

Traumatic times turn into the most humorous of stories
  1. The time I got lice from a hotel room floor in California (it was such a nice hotel too so what's the big idea)
    I've never been more paranoid, terrified, or miserable in my lifetime. Sometimes, I have flashbacks of those little buggers and I get close to bursting into tears
  2. The time I found out that the man I had seen in concert as a child was not, in fact, Bob Marley
    Apparently it was his son, Ziggy, or a Ziggy impersonator. And I didn't even find out until years after the show. "No Woman No Cry?" Well, this woman (me) did cry.
  3. The time I "grabbed the wrong flag" in a game of flag football
    It was the penis of the boy I loved at the time but IT WAS SO ACCIDENTAL. I was merely 12 and his mother saw the whole thing. WHY DID HE PLACE HIS FLAGS THE WAY HE DID?! This should probably be in second place. The boys in my class sang songs about the scenario for months.
  4. The time a bear broke into our garage in the mountains to get his grubby little (big) hands on some garbage
    But it left a bear-sized hole in the garage door that reminded me of when characters run through walls in cartoons and leave weird silhouettes in drywall which is DELIGHTFUL so I choose not to focus on how close a live bear was to my sleeping quarters.
  5. The time my mom ran into Harry Styles in an elevator and I was standing outside the building not running into Harry Styles like an idiot
    I regret not going with her to park the car every single day.
  6. I will probably continue to add to this list q frequently
    I traumatize myself on the daily.