THOUGHTS FOR MY DUMB EX-BOYFRIEND

Whatta weenie.
  1. I was out of your league and you knew it
    "Anna, why are you dating a man that looks like a grandfather?" WHO KNOWS
  2. You have slight man boobs
    They're bigger than mine. What's the deal
  3. Why didn't you ever stop making puns?
    When you stepped on an ice cube while we were slow dancing and said, "Looks like I've got cold feet," I should've run.
  4. Stop with the fedoras
    So many red flags, Anna.
  5. Your lion tattoo is the scariest thing I've ever witnessed
    It looks like it's gonna bop me right on the head and it has no teeth? And you'd always pull up your shirt to show me?? I GET IT THERES A STUPID TATTOO. "He said I was the stillest tattoo receiver he's ever had." WOW GOOD FOR YOU
  6. You slept with your ex-girlfriend while we were a thing
    That should've probably been the biggest deal breaker but I was living on the edge back then!
  7. You had a pocket watch
    It didn't even tell the time. You were just an asshole.
  8. You couldn't communicate anything
    Not a single thing. I never knew anything that was going on. You didn't apologize for stuff until like months later??? What??? You only responded when I sent you face swaps??? You'd say "I've been meaning to ask you something" and then never ask???
  9. Again, whatta weenie.