THOUGHTS FOR MY DUMB EX-BOYFRIEND
- •I was out of your league and you knew it"Anna, why are you dating a man that looks like a grandfather?" WHO KNOWS
- •You have slight man boobsThey're bigger than mine. What's the deal
- •Why didn't you ever stop making puns?When you stepped on an ice cube while we were slow dancing and said, "Looks like I've got cold feet," I should've run.
- •Stop with the fedorasSo many red flags, Anna.
- •Your lion tattoo is the scariest thing I've ever witnessedIt looks like it's gonna bop me right on the head and it has no teeth? And you'd always pull up your shirt to show me?? I GET IT THERES A STUPID TATTOO. "He said I was the stillest tattoo receiver he's ever had." WOW GOOD FOR YOU
- •You slept with your ex-girlfriend while we were a thingThat should've probably been the biggest deal breaker but I was living on the edge back then!
- •You had a pocket watchIt didn't even tell the time. You were just an asshole.
- •You couldn't communicate anythingNot a single thing. I never knew anything that was going on. You didn't apologize for stuff until like months later??? What??? You only responded when I sent you face swaps??? You'd say "I've been meaning to ask you something" and then never ask???
- •Again, whatta weenie.