The Search for Everything

Listening to the new @john album that just dropped and having so many feelings about it.
  1. I have loved John Mayer for as long as I can remember knowing how to love a boy.
    I read somewhere in a teen magazine when I was in sixth grade that his parents are like 13 (?) years apart so I asserted that he wouldn't care about the love difference between us.
  2. My dad is a guitar player and so John Mayer was like the only acceptable (to him) musician I was ever super into. So, besides my crush, I've followed him for a long time.
  3. I've connected with his music for a long time... But nothing quite like this.
  4. The era of this album for him spans August 2014 to April 2017.
  5. So quite oddly enough, that time period for me is quite an era too. And one I have been aware, ever increasingly, is coming to a close for me, too.
  6. During the time period of this album: I have fallen in love with a new love and an old love— Fallen out of love with both. I have changed more than I ever thought I would. I've been through more heartbreak with relationships, friends, and family than I ever could have imagined in my wildest dreams.
  7. But just now, this month, I've reached a place where I've reclaimed myself. I have a great job, I'm nearly done with school, I have a date (whattttt?) in a week, and I'm starting a boutique business with my mom.
  8. This whole album is about moving on and still remembering all at once... Feelings I've been feeling over the love I've lost over these years for some time but couldn't put into words.
  9. All of these feelings from this era of my life that's winding down around me I haven't been able to put into words until I listened to this album in its entirety.
  10. Like listening to In The Blood and hearing the struggles I've been having with my family for these past couple of years and how those fights are within me as much as they are without me. Because my brother is messed up... Am I, too? Why can't I ever walk away from it?
    Because it's who I am. There are parts of me that are inherent that I'll never lose.
  11. Like the peace of You're Gonna Live Forever In Me perfectly putting how it feels to love someone with your whole being, even though you know it's dead in the water. Knowing he lives in me because he's changed me, and that there's beauty in that.
  12. Or hearing Never On the Day You Leave like a window into his head 2 years ago when he was getting engaged, still loving me. Maybe a window into his head still now.
    "Then force herself to like some other man" is a feeling I've felt so many times it felt like a gut punch to hear it aloud.
  13. Not to mention Changing which makes me cry every time I listen to it because it reminds me of the new love I lost, who I had so much fun changing with, even if it didn't work. And remembering how much I've changed and still have to go.
  14. I could go on and on and on. It's just so beautiful and has touched me in the biggest way.
  15. The level of catharsis and peace it's given me is crazy and unbelievable.
  16. So, @john will probably never see this... But I feel like standing on top of a mountain and screaming THANK YOU until he finally hears me.
  17. Maybe he will one day, who knows. But I'm just so thankful for this album, now complete. I'm thankful for my life and this era.
  18. @john I'm thankful for you so much my heart could explode for giving me this album.
  19. 🌊❤🌊
  20. Go run and get it, y'all.