I WILL HOST YOUR PARTY

So you can have fun.
  1. Let's be real, lots of people hate hosting duties. All the smiling, asking people if you can get them a drink, and small talk drives people nuts.
  2. I love to host.
  3. When not hosting, I actually don't like parties. I much prefer hanging with a small group of friends.
  4. I hate mingling or getting stuck talking to someone I really have nothing to say to.
  5. But hosting. Hosting is where it's at.
  6. Things I love about hosting include:
  7. Greeting people.
    I am an excellent greeter. My customer service skills are top notch. When I great your great-aunt at that bridal shower you have to throw for your cousin, she won't even realize we haven't met. She'll think I'm her favorite niece.
  8. Decorating.
    I will DIY the shit out if that party. It will have a clever, subtle, and stylish theme.
  9. Getting people drinks and food.
    Love this. I will get them whatever they need. When someone's hands are empty, I will kindly approach and ask what I can get for them. You can focus on talking to the people you invited, and I'll make sure they're well-fed.
  10. Cocktails and drinks
    No shitty mixers at this party. I will totally have fun and flavorful drinks for your guests.
  11. Cooking and baking.
    I will bake SO MUCH STUFF. I will have cute and original appetizers, fun finger foods, and mouth watering desserts. All homemade. It will probably take me days and all night before the party. It will be worth it.
  12. Music playlists.
    I will have the perfect jams selected to go with the vibe and theme of the party. No worries.
  13. Games.
    Love organizing them. Love executing them. You can have fun playing while I explain the rules.
  14. Clean up duty.
    I know what you're thinking. No one likes this part. This however is actually the best. It's when I get to sit with you and gossip about the crazy stuff your friend's new boyfriend whom you don't like did. It's when I can relax and clean up and say, "That was a success. Let's do it again." And it's when I get to make sure that after this party you aren't saddled with a huge mess.
  15. Small talk
    I'm really bad at small talk when I attend parties. But when I'm hosting I bring my A game. Because hosting small talk is different. It's when I get to ask questions and show interest. Your friends at that baby shower for the one friend no one would host a shower for will think they must already be close friends with me.
  16. So when your aunt begs you to host that bar mitzvah or you have to throw the company party or your friend wants a birthday bash or your parents want you to host the big family reunion 4th of July, call me.
  17. I will host for you.
  18. So you can relax and enjoy and avoid that cousin you accidentally made out with before you knew you were related. I will even help you steer clear of him. But, I mean, he is hot. So I can see how it happened. No judgment. I get it.