OVERHEARD AT THANKSGIVING

I attended my sister's husband's family thanksgiving. Here's a sampling of what I heard.
  1. "Grandma's on her phone again..."
    - sister's husband
  2. "Who has the baby?"
    - Everyone x7
  3. "He has his mother's eyes and his dad's penis"
    - said baby's father
  4. "You're so much cuter because you're mine"
    - my sister quietly to her dog after meeting the baby for the first time
  5. "I do hair braiding tutorials on YouTube"
    - unexpected aunt
  6. "Literally nobody cares in this house"
    - my sister after I announced to the table that the game is now on so if we could wrap up the wedding photo slideshow and narration that would be great.