A LIST OF AWKWARD TIMES IN LIFE

  1. When people are singing happy birthday to you
    Any song in general but only counts when you are singled out
  2. When you kind of know someone but not really and you don't know if they know who you are and you are in a enclosed space
    Back of a party, elevator, bathroom
  3. When you are walking on a small sidewalk and you think the person coming towards you is going to his/her left so then you go to your left but then the person goes to their right and then you do this weird crazy dance and say excuse me in a breathy and exasperated voice
  4. When you know people are whispering about you
    Especially awkward if they are whispering about sleeping with you or about your appearance
  5. When a child or animal just weirdly hates you and there is nothing you can do about it
  6. When you see something you weren't supposed to and have to play dumb or walk in on someone crying
  7. When you are interning/volunteering/working and you don't know what to do/where to go/what to do with your face
  8. When you say something offensive to someone but don't realize it directly applies to them
    Example: "people from blank are assholes" then "fuck your from blank"
  9. When you make eye contact with someone as they pee their pants
  10. When you shit yourself in someone's bed
  11. When you are still getting IDed for R rated movies