1. The other day, instead of teaching about thesis statements, I started class saying "If you're feeling suicidal or homicidal..."
  2. I'll often interrupt a meeting with a student like, "oh, hang on a second, I just wanna make sure that wasn't a gunshot I just heard."
  3. Sometimes, when a white dude earns a D or an F, I feel like "Err, what are the odds he's going to mass murder me and our whole class when I post his grade?"
  4. I'm always eyeing the windows, gaging how far the jump would be, how easy they would be to break or open.
  5. I teach with pepper spray in my pocket. It's really fucking up my pencil skirt game.