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- •CurtainsLiterally just long strips of fabric.
- •SheetsSee curtains.
- •LuggageBox on wheels. Not much there.
- •Sleeveless turtlenecks
- •Software on cd-rom
- •Disc drives???
- •Guns don't kill people. People kill people.
- •Vending machines don’t kill people. An imbalanced ratio of mixed nuts to candy kills people (on the inside).
- •Lawn darts don’t kill people. Our lack of a beetle-like protective outer shell is our biggest evolutionary design flaw.
- •What's with the fish? Are you giving it to me? Is this what I can come to expect in a relationship with you? Free bass?
- •Yes, but HOW fluent are you in sarcasm? Could you read the sarcastic translation of the Bible (fondly renamed "Ugh, It's The Bible")?
- •Where do you live where you have such easy access to mountains to do handstands on top of?
- •Unintentionally leveling your childhood home with your mind
- •A chode toe
- •One giant paper mache hand shaking hands with another giant paper mache hand
- •6 minutes late? Thanks for throwing off my zen. Maybe go die.
- •This pose isn't hard at all, why is she sweating so much.
- •I hope this doesn't make me sore for Pilates later.
- •Social mediaIt ain't gonna stalk itself
- •Shopping for seasonally inappropriate footwearThat's surprisingly not on sale??
- •Getting a price quote on a rental truck for when I move to ChicagoProceeding to vomit from cost
Yet I still do it #fitness
- •Because it's the worstDon't lie to yourself
- •My right earbud always falls out no matter what I do
- •When I do get my earbuds to stay in, the wind rushing past my head makes it impossible to hear my hot jamz
I am the most photogenic.
- 13.Cookie Monster party hat. Sass where real human emotion should be. Great birthday.
- 12.Gotta stay up on those hashtag trends!
- 11.You will never win an ugly Christmas sweater competition with me so I advise you to abandon your dreams before I crush them with my bare, sparkly hands.
- •I DON'T KNOW.HELP ME HELP YOU.