QUESTIONS I HAVE FOR DUDES ON TINDER

  1. What's with the fish? Are you giving it to me? Is this what I can come to expect in a relationship with you? Free bass?
  2. Yes, but HOW fluent are you in sarcasm? Could you read the sarcastic translation of the Bible (fondly renamed "Ugh, It's The Bible")?
  3. Where do you live where you have such easy access to mountains to do handstands on top of?
  4. Your muscles are v big, may I touch?
  5. What's the ratio of hours you spend in the gym to the number of selfies you take while there?
  6. Are you an alcoholic? (asking for a friend)
  7. May I have your dog?
  8. Where do you source your inspirational quotes?
  9. Could you name for me every city you've ever lived in, traveled to, or thought about and put them in this format: [x]>[y]>[z] so I can properly judge you based on your geographical past?
  10. In emoji, how would you best describe that vape life?
  11. Are you actually self-employed or does that mean selling avatar accessories on Second Life to people just as lonely as you (and probably also on Tinder)?
  12. Whose kid is that?
  13. Is that your sister?
  14. Is that your sister's kid?
  15. How many muscle tanks do you own? With motivational phrases on them? With drinking liturgy?
  16. On a scale of 1 to Rosie O'Donnell, how obsessed are you with your cat?
  17. Did you take that mirror selfie before or after you pooped?
  18. Did your car consent to that picture?
  19. Bye?