THOUGHTS THAT I CAN ONLY ASSUME GO THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE'S HEADS IN MY YOGA CLASS

  1. 6 minutes late? Thanks for throwing off my zen. Maybe go die.
  2. This pose isn't hard at all, why is she sweating so much.
  3. I hope this doesn't make me sore for Pilates later.
  4. I wonder what my earthbabies are up to. I swear to god, if I come home to poop walls again I'm gonna lose it.
  5. Note to self: pick up kale chips and hummus pods on the way home. Actually scratch the kale chips. Rice leaves instead. Mmm rice leaves.
  6. Seriously, WHY is she sweating so much.
  7. Oops, how did I effortlessly find myself in this hollow-back handstand? Presence, Nicole, presence.
  8. Well, now that I'm up here...can that girl really not even get into a forearm stand? What is this, amateur hour?
  9. Oh she tried and fell. Poor thing. Maybe she should try the beginner class.
  10. I am unequivocally better than everyone in this room and city. Yoga should practice me.
  11. Namaste, bitches.