Inspirational Quotes That Do Nothing for Me

It's been a while, and I've missed you guys. Re-entering List App to share some measured skepticism
  1. "There's no 'i" in team"
    There's a "u" in cult, though, so do with that what you will.
  2. "Shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars"
    Taken literally, this is some very bad scientific advice. Taken figuratively, it encourages settling for very mediocre expectations
  3. "You must love yourself before others can love you"
    False. My closest relationships have formed during pretty intense periods of self-loathing.
  4. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade"
    Aside from the fact that you need a fuck ton of sugar to make lemonade that doesn't suck ass, who actually uses this sentiment to redirect the course of their already free-wheeling negative spiral?!
  5. "Good things come to those who wait"
    I waited two years to go to the dentist and all that's gifted me is a series of root canals